Darling, Perfect's Boring
by caeai
Summary: Percy's been trying for perfection his entire life. Audrey Thress hasn't been considered perfect a day in her life. How could they possibly get along?
1. Percy's Perfect

**~A/N~HI! Please tell me what you think of my story!**

**My favorite Weasley brother is Percy and I have been playing with his Canon pairing in my head for a while. I just want to see what people think of my writing/this pairing. You don't get to meet Audrey in this chapter, but that will change very soon, if people will tell me what they think!**

* * *

Percy Weasley had been taking care of his brothers and sister since the twins had been old enough to sneak into the cookie jar but too young to realize that leaving said jar open and cookie crumbs on the counter would alert their Mum of their misconduct. Percy would make sure the lid was tight on the jar and wipe all the crumbs into the trash bin long before Molly would know what the twins had done.

Percy read fairy tales to the twins at night once they were out of their cribs until they were four. He'd do funny voices for all the characters to distract Fred when George wanted to spend time on each and every picture. When the twins made fun of Ron for having to go to Dad to get his shoes tied, Percy spent days tying and untying his own shoes, repeating the mantra, "Bunny ears, one around the other, bunny through the hole, and pull it tight," until Ron's chubby little fingers made two sloppy knots in Percy's laces. And eight year old Percy refused to untie his shoes the rest of that summer.

When Ginny was born, Percy taught Charlie how to angle the bottle so she wouldn't suck any air into her tummy. Percy let Ron crawl up in his lap and help him cradle Ginny until Ron knew exactly what color Ginny's eyes were and just how soft her hair was.

When Bill sent an owl home complaining about a 'T' he'd received in Transfiguration, Percy spent days poring over their Mum's old textbooks before he wrote to Bill and offered his meticulous notes. Percy played pattycake for hours with Ginny to distract her when they sent Charlie off to Hogwarts.

When Ginny, at four and a half, wanted her hair braided every day and Molly was too busy to do it, Percy asked to go to the library. By chance, a teenage girl was at the counter when the bespectacled nine years old boy with wild coppery red curls came up and stumbled through a request for a manual on- _on the art of hair plaiting?_ The girl smiled bemusedly and asked if he wanted to know how to braid hair. He blushed up to his ears and nodded. He visited every week day and she taught him- first with ribbons she supplied- how to braid until he could braid her hair better than she could. Percy brushed and braided Ginny's hair every morning until she asked him to teach her when she was six.

Percy spent nearly ten days finagling Bill into trusting him enough to teach Ginny. Even then, Bill had to watch Percy's gentle process with Ginny's hair with wary eyes before he let his brother touch his hair.

* * *

But when George was overcome with grief after the Battle of Hogwarts and locked himself in the testing room behind the counter of _Weasley Wizard Wheezes_, Percy simply brought Molly to wait him out. Percy slipped away before George saw him. Percy could never handle emotions well. His or anyone else's. He was better with tangible problems.

George got himself pissed down in the Leakey Cauldron and when Percy tried to help him home, George publicly disowned him as a brother for letting Fred get killed. The words slapped Percy in the face and he couldn't face George for weeks after that.

So when Bill, followed closely by Charlie, Ron, and Ginny, burst into the Muggle bar he'd been tending- badly- for the past few weeks, claiming insanity, insomnia, or fratricide, he assumed that George had refused to come see his ex-brother. "Perce, George is an absolute berk!" Ginny's shout drew the early afternoon customers' attention.

"Ginny." Bill's bass tone covered Ginny's almost shriek easily. "That's not going to help our cause."

Percy looked up with mild suspicion at Bill's words. "Your cause? We're not in school. I can't give you my notes anymore. I'm useless." His words were listless. Percy was perfectly aware of his lack of ability to do anything right. He couldn't do anything. Not after Fred. He didn't even bother trying to correct the mispronunciation of his name.

Bill frowned at Percy's blank expression. "No, we want you to…" He paused for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully.

"George is driving us all bloody bonkers, Perce. He's just a sniveling lout all the time now. Only has a spark when he's drunk or working a prank. He needs- Bloody hell, what was that word you always used? Oh! He needs his equilibri-thingie that you used to babble about before you defected to the Ministry. All you do is equilibilily because you don't know how else to act, so you have to live with him."

Percy stared at Ron's face without seeing it, only minimally aware as Ginny slapped Ron on the back of the head and shouted, "Bill was talking, you ass!" and Bill turning his upper body slowly, facing Ron with a curious incredulity and saying, "I've spent the better of four days trying to figure out how to breach the subject-"_("I'll do it.") _"-and you go in and ruin it."

Ginny jabbed her elbow into Ron's side. "We said Bill would do the talking!"

Ron glared at his only sister. "You barged in and insulted George without a bloody thought!"

Bill's brow furrowed. "Can't you two get along long enough for us to have a decent conversation with Perce about living with-" _("I'll do it.")_ "-George? He's not going to listen at all, now!" The Muggles stared at the rather noisy group with frustrated curiosity.

Charlie forcibly shoved Bill into Ginny. "Look at his face, idiots." Bill looked at Percy, abruptly losing his anger, but Ginny merely steadied herself, rolled her eyes, and continued berating Ron.

"Gin, shut it. Ron's done it." Charlie's declaration made Ron guffaw.

"Don't kid yourself, Charlie. I haven't bloody _done-" ("I'll do it.")_ "-anything." Ron blinked and turned jerkily to Percy. "Did you just say you'll do it?"

"For the third time, too. Aren't you three such good listeners?" Charlie smirked good-naturedly at Bill, Ron, and Ginny.

Bill grinned widely. "Let's go, then!"

And that had started off an unbelievably awkward living arrangement that had unceremoniously began by George storming down into his joke shop shouting, "I'm not living with that prat, all of you can shove it up the arse!"

Percy merely continued tidying George's spare room and ignored his insidious insults and scathing glares. Bill was laying across the bed. "So, Perce, don't be afraid to send a Stunner George's way if he gets violent. Fire-call one of us and we'll be there."

Percy turned blank eyes to his oldest brother. "He has every right to hurt me."

After that, one of the brothers was always hanging around their flat until George was almost angrier at them than at Percy's presence.

* * *

George cursed loudly. "Dammit, Percy, where'd you put my Christmas sweater?!" George scowled. "Idiot bugger," he muttered under his breath.

"C'mon, George. He's not evil or anything," Ron mumbled through his stuffed cheeks.

"Don't speak with your mouth full, Ron." Percy's admonishment was delivered with no strength as he brushed by Ron to open George's magic-run refrigerator. He magicked the trash bin to his side and started dumped moldy take-away and rotting perishables into it.

Ron shoved another Chocolate Frog into his mouth.

"My sweater, Percy!" George bellowed.

Percy jerked his head up, unaccustomed to George using his name. He pointed to the stack of folded laundry he'd cleaned earlier that day that rested on the coffee table Percy had unearthed from the trash heap that had been George's living room. "Right there. I hope you don't mind that I cleaned them. I left Fred's on the top shelf in the hall closet. I was going to put them in your closet, but I don't think you actually want me in your room."

Bill Flooed in just as Charlie popped through the door from the joke shop.

George tensed. "You washed Fred's sweaters?!" His voice was nearly a shriek.

Bill and Charlie made worried eye contact and Ron ducked his head, hurriedly wolfing down another Chocolate Frog to avoid speaking.

Percy blinked in confusion and pushed his glasses up his nose with a thumb. "Of course not. Then they wouldn't smell like Fred." Percy nodded once at George and went back to clearing out the fridge.

George stared blankly at his estranged brother. Ron, sitting at the end of the bar, turned to look warily at George and tried to swallow the chocolate in his mouth. Charlie edged closer to Ron, prepared to pull him out of the way of any spells. Ron still wasn't the best at shield charms. Bill tugged his wand out, hoping Percy wasn't thinking the same way he was when he moved in three weeks ago.

George suddenly flew at Percy. "Perce." He wrapped Percy in a bear hug, his forehead resting on Percy's shoulder.

Percy jumped at the contact and froze, his arms held out to his sides as George tightened his grip. Percy swallowed slowly and brought his hand up to pat George's back woodenly.

Charlie laughed. "Perce, you idiot, you're supposed to hug him back."

Percy's ears reddened and he brought his arms up to George's shoulders. "Um."

George snorted and let Percy go. "You berk. It's just a hug."

Percy flushed. "I haven't received one since Dad hugged me at-" He cut himself off abruptly and dropped his gaze to the floor.

"At where, Perce?" Ron had managed to swallow his chocolate.

Percy spun around and continued cleaning out the fridge.

"Perce?" Ron prodded him again. Percy ignored him. "C'mon, Percy, what were you gonna bloody say?"

"Shut your ya-"

"Charlie, I just wanna know! Tell us, Perce!" Ron ignored Charlie.

"In the Room of Requirement. Right before we all rushed out into the heat of battle." Percy cast a _Scourify_ on the inside of George's fridge. "Right before I let Fred die." He cast another. And another. And another. Tears dripped down his face and he absolutely refused to let his brothers see him cry. Even Bill had had trouble talking to him for a week after Fred's funeral because Percy hadn't cried.

The numb feeling that had encased him from the moment he'd seen Fred's body fall crumbled. He wiped angrily at the tears and tried to cast another charm. When he couldn't get his magic to work for him, he turned haphazardly to the cabinet under the sink and dragged out the bleach he'd brought in from one of his infrequent trips into the Muggle world. He pushed his way past George and yanked open their broom closet, grabbing the mop bucket and pouring bleach in, then adding water from their tap.

He shoved the bleach back into place and took a sponge. Percy jerked the middle and top shelves out of the fridge and let them clatter on the floor beside him. He dropped to his knees and dunked the sponge into the doctored water. He viciously scrubbed at the remaining shelf.

"Perce-" Bill came to stand beside George, trapping Percy in the kitchen. Charlie took a seat beside Ron on the long side of the bar.

"It's Percy. P-E-R-C-Y. _Y_." He emphasized the last letter, choking on sobs between letters. He scrubbed harder, trying to ignore the tears dripping onto his work.

"Okay. Okay. Percy." Bill shared a worried glance between the rest of his brothers. "It's perfectly alright to cry."

Percy threw down the sponge. He dropped his elbows on the shelf he was cleaning and buried his closed eyes into the heels of his hands. "No. No, it's not _perfectly alright_ to cry! I didn't cry at his _funeral! _ I shouldn't be crying now." He sniffled, wiping impatiently at his nose with a wrist without opening his eyes. "He fell. I watched him go down. I was so numb. Once I'd found out that the Death Eater that had cast the spell that toppled the wall had been killed, it was all I could do to keep going, to keep everyone else in my family safe. Merlin, Ginny doesn't realize how close Greyback was. I kept her safe like I should've kept Fred safe." Bill tensed. He hadn't known Greyback had even been in Hogwarts for the battle. "I threw myself at Rudolphus Lestrange. He was aiming for Dad." That sent every one of his brothers back. Fred died. That was their only casualty. It hadn't occurred to any of them that every one of them had been in danger. Percy took a deep breath, let it out slowly. He stood and turned, looked at each of his brother's faces. "I'm sorry." He offered. "I should have held it together."

Bill's eyes widened in shock. "Percy… You know we'll listen if you need to talk, don't you?"

Percy rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. He didn't like thinking about all that was wrong with him, let alone talking about it. "I shouldn't need to talk." He said harshly, trying to convince himself. "I'm logical, _cynical."_ He said with a condensed bitterness that he usually managed to hide.

None of them had an answer that would have convinced Percy to open up.


	2. Audrey's Oblivious

_**~A/N~ Hi! Here's chapter two! You're meeting my version of Audrey! **__**Please**__** tell me what you think!**_

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Audrey Thress had lived on her own for over three years and had never had any trouble in the tidy, five story apartment tucked away on a quaint side alley of London. She'd tried to keep to herself the way her father had ordered her to, but she had never managed to suppress her wide, easy smile or her natural inclination to greet her neighbors with cheer every time their paths crossed. She recognized faces, knew names, and was content that way.

She never had worries about being too-friendly with her neighbors and knocked on doors to ask for sugar or offer extra food with an endearing frequency. When a rushed and harried mother had voiced her dismay at a babysitter that had fallen through six months after Audrey had moved in, Audrey had offered her services for as long as they were needed. Free of charge. Within a few weeks, children were often dropping in on her, obediently repeating their mothers' "If he's _any_ trouble at all…" before diving into whatever Audrey had set out that day.

Audrey adored children and wouldn't ever dream of using them in any way, but they had helped her out of more than a few uncomfortable situations. It had taken the entire building several months to warm to Audrey's petite, uncommonly energetic frame and her unparalleled beauty. Her perfect rosebud lips were rarely found at rest. She was always smiling or chattering or eating or singing or humming in the most charming of ways. Her grey eyes practically shone with her good nature, though all the enamored men in the building always forgot that her dainty brow furrowed in confusion at any serious topic, like politics or philosophy, and she came home more days than not quite a few pounds poorer because she'd run across a 'poor soul' whose children always seemed to be starving on the next corner.

Audrey had often thanked her lucky stars for the children racing around her apartment, especially when a man came knocking on her door, intent upon taking her out. She'd beam graciously and invite them in, accepting their flowers, or chocolate, or stuffed animals, or, in one shocking case, a live kitten, with a demure nod of her head- _Unless she was handed a live animal. Honestly, how was she supposed to keep her surprise hidden when a large brute of a man was forcing a squirming kitten into her arms?-_ and a polite invitation into her living room. The children- bouncing on furniture, squabbling good-naturedly, and just generally being a nuisance- tended to chase whoever visited her out quickly.

So, when Audrey had left her flat to dash down the stairs to clean some laundry in the basement, she certainly hadn't expected to encounter a long, gangly man with copper curls, his wire rimmed glasses slipping precariously down his nose, swearing to _Godric_ about his rather overlarge armchair on the stair landing just outside her apartment.

* * *

Percy was miserable.

He'd moved out of George's apartment a couple of months after his brother had started dating Angelina. Percy had been relieved that Angelina managed to balance George out better than he could, but Percy had tumbled out of their spare room to see Angelina dressed in only a rumpled white button down in the kitchen one too many times.

More correctly, he had tumbled out of his room to see George _un_dressing Angelina one too many times. The last time it had happened, the day before he moved out, actually, he had slapped his hand over his glasses, rather pointlessly covering his tightly closed eyes and spun around. He'd managed to spew out several apologies before smacking into the wall, slipping backwards, and cracking his head quite spectacularly against the coffee table.

Because Percy had chosen to take a peculiarly obscure job- a self-employed frivolous spell maker- he had no Wizarding money. And when Molly had gotten wind of Percy's homeless state, he didn't have a chance.

He was living at home.

Oh, Charlie was there, too. There had been a dragon mishap in Romania and many of the Muggles had seen a dragon. Charlie had managed to capture it and convince the Muggles it was just an overlarge escaped pet snake, but he had achieved fame in many of the European countries and had had to go to England to avoid the massive onslaught of press from snapping an accidental picture of a dragon while they waited to interview him. Charlie didn't particularly relish finding a flat, or a job, for that matter, in Britain, so had taken his old room back for a while.

That's part of why Percy was so miserable. The press had done huge spreads on Charlie and his 'heroics', but they had quickly found that there wasn't enough dirt on him to exploit. But he did have a large family.

Percy hadn't even rated an honorable mention. He worked in the Muggle world every day, and not a single girl had ever pointed at him with hysterical joy because she'd 'spotted a Weasley.' But every single time one of his brothers stuck a toe in the Muggle world, it was in the paper. He'd overheard more than one girl telling her friends that Percy was just a _Weasley wannabe._ His boss, an overweight balding man in his late forties, had heard it and thus Percy's nickname came to be.

Percy loved his family. He really did. He would do anything for them. If he hadn't in the past… Well, he'd certainly learned his lesson: If you don't take advantage of your time with your family, you might have to watch them die minutes after you _finally_ make up with them.

Regardless of his love, the rest of the Weasleys were driving him spare. Dad would ask for help degnoming the garden and just as Percy was following him out the kitchen door, Charlie would slap Percy on the back and say, "Don't worry about it, Perce. I know you hate it," and chase Dad out the door. And even Percy, who was by far the least socially aware Wealsey, knew that degnoming was sacred one-on-one father-son time.

Mum would call for someone to carry the sugar and flour into the pantry. Percy couldn't even halfway cross the kitchen before Ron- _Wasn't he halfway across the country?-_ popped in and hefted a fifty pound bag like they were nothing on each shoulder. At least when Bill came to emasculate him, he brought Victoire for Percy to play with. Every Saturday, Ginny came to the Burrow to make Percy French braid her hair for her and Harry's 'outing' day. But Percy always got to babysit Teddy while they were gone. George came periodically to test his new products out on Percy and laugh at him.

But the worst was their mother. Percy looked too thin, or too pale, or too tired, or too stressed, or too _alone_.

"What does that even _mean?" _Percy had vented to his sister. "She said I was too _alone_. If we discount all the spouses, children, fiancées, and family friends, there are still _five_ of you hanging around. That's not including Mum or Da!"

Molly was always pushing food on Percy. Even though he preferred the light, airy kitchen, he had started working exclusively in his father's cramped, musty, disused study just for a respite from his mother's coddling.

But it wasn't too bad. He was never hungry and his family was never far away. Percy took his mother's overbearing love with the best attitude he could until she tried to set him up with a "lovely little witch from down the lane."

_That_ was why Percy Weasley was vowing by _Godric_ he'd get the overstuffed, worn brown suede armchair in his second floor flat or die trying in the stairwell of a Muggle apartment building when a tiny black haired Muggle girl crashed through the door.

* * *

Audrey gaped at the man in front of her. _Why did he look so familiar?_ She shook off the question, her face pinching in confusion when the man slammed his eyes closed and sank into the chair, groaning.

She swallowed and, after a long moment- _Why wasn't he greeting her?-_ she straightened her shoulders and raised her chin. "Hullo?" The single word wavered in between them.

His head jerked up he pinned her down with his glare. _She didn't even know that color blue existed!_ "Yes?" He bit off the word.

She breathed deeply for a moment before smiling slightly. "Hullo. I'm Audrey. I live on this floor. Do you need any help?"

He was instantly defensive. "No, I don't need any-" He cut himself off and closed his eyes again, breathing out slowly. Keeping his eyes closed, he nodded curtly. "Help would be nice."

"Alright then. I'll take this side," She patted one arm of the chair a few times. "And you drag the top up. I'll push from behind." When he stayed where he was, her smile grew a little. "Budge up. I'm not hauling you up there, too!"

His gaze was softer this time as he studied her. A few seconds after Audrey gave up her halfhearted laughs, the corners of his mouth softened and he snickered. He stood up carefully, Audrey noted, as if he was afraid going too fast would knock his feet out from under him. He pulled two of the chair legs up on the first step, nodding to her before starting up the first half flight. When they reached the landing, the man leaned back against the wall and shoved his glasses down so he could pinch the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. While he was resting, Audrey examined his face more closely, trying to see why he was so _familiar._

He cracked an eye open and jerked back when he saw her intense stare. "Um…"

She interrupted him. "Let's keep going."

The man nodded and pushed himself off the wall. "Okay."

When they were halfway to the next landing, the man spoke up. "I'm only on the second floor."

Audrey nodded, panting a little, her arms screaming. "Okay."

The man frowned with worry at her. He adjusted his hold and pulled faster. "We're almost at the top," he offered her regretfully.

She bobbed her head slightly, focused more on not dropping the chair than how fast they finished. When he reached the landing, the man dropped his half and helped her push. "Sorry, I should have just Fire ca-urmph." He coughed uncomfortably, rubbing a hand through the back of his wild curls. "I should have just rung my brothers. Pride and all that, you know?"

Audrey dragged the chair to the door before propping open the door and motioning for the man to come through with his chair. He gestured to the flat door directly on the left, searching through his pockets for a key. "This is it." He turned to her with a hesitant smile. "Than-"

"Are you Charlie Weasley?" She blurted because she'd finally figured out why he looked so familiar. His demeanor froze faster than she could anticipate it.

He glared moodily at her. "I do _not_ like the wild."

Audrey's mouth fell open. "W-w-what are you on about?" she spluttered. "What does that have to do with anything?"

The man scowled. "I'm bloody well not _Charlie."_

Her eyes gleamed. "But you_ are_ a Weasley?"

He chuffed air out his nose and shoved his door open, jerking his chair inside. "Bugger off," he muttered irritably and slammed the door in her face.

* * *

**Edit[1-7-14] _I forgot to have Audrey throw in her name! Oops! That'll make the rest of the chapters make more sense!_**


	3. Percy's Petrified

_**~A/N~ Well, I lied when I said the third chapter would be awhile. It practically wrote itself once I set my mind to it. I'm not so sure about the fourth one, though. I'm going on vacation next week, and two laptops for four people doesn't compute into a whole lot of computer time for me. **_

_**I'm **_begging,**begging,**_** begging you, please review!**_

* * *

Percy frowned at the book on the arm of his chair, trying to convince himself to read. Every time he picked it up, the words ran through his head without registering. A certain head of midnight hair kept catching his inner mind's eye. He sighed and laid his head against the back of the chair, stifling a yawn. The sunlight streaming through the window behind him warmed his back and made him sleepy.

A knock on the door made him jerk his head off the chair. His lips pinched together as he glared at his door. The premature second round of knocks made him roll his eyes and drag himself out of his chair. When the banging on his door only got louder, Percy sighed and smirked. "Hold on. I'm coming," he murmured as he slid his dead bolt free and opened his door.

"Whoa there, Perce. I don't need to know everything about you!" Charlie grinned at Percy's blush before pushing past him. He barely spared a glance for the rest of the open design flat as he headed for the kitchen and rooted through the pantry.

Percy stared into the hall with his door open for a moment before stifling a chuckle and closing the door. "Don't be crude, Charlie. It's not tasteful."

"What's not tasteful is your lack of food." Charlie pulled out the single jar of peanut butter from its shelf. "This is it!"

Percy hunched his shoulders and grimaced. "I only got in last night. I went out for breakfast this morning. I was going shopping later today." He objected defensively.

Charlie replaced the peanut butter and crossed back through the living room to tug Percy's jacket off the hook by the door. "Then let's get going! You'd buy all the nasty healthy stuff!"

* * *

Percy closed his eyes and tucked his hands into the pockets of his double breasted black jacket in a last ditch attempt at staving off a headache. He stood at the end of the snack aisle and let Charlie run rampant, trying to ignore the price tag of every food his brother threw in the trolley. He shuffled to the side when he felt another person beside him, pressing himself against the shelf to give them enough space.

"Are you sick?" Percy's stomach iced over and sank at the familiar lilting voice. He blew out a breath before cracking open his eyes and glancing momentarily at the petite young woman beside him.

"Hello to you as well, Aubrey." He winced as Charlie jumped onto the trolley and crashed it into one of the shelves.

He could practically _feel_ her frown. "My name isn't Aubrey."

Percy shrugged. "I know." Those two words fell like stones in between them as they stood leaning on opposite shelves, watching Charlie bounce from treat to treat. When boxes spilled onto the floor and Charlie simply jumped over them, Percy itched to find a chair for his brother to sit in as he picked up and organized his mess. Audrey's voice made him jump.

"Is your friend high?"

Percy's brow furrowed as he tried to remember what the Muggle's sub-definition of the world 'high' was. When he came up with it- _A euphoric state induced by alcohol or drugs- _and recalled what drugs were- _a habit forming medicinal or illicit substance; specifically narcotics- _he shot her an irked look. "No, my brother is not _high_." He sniffed in irritation, staring at the candy beside his head with flaring nostrils and a clenched jaw. _Do not yell at her. Don't do it._ He breathed slowly, trying to find the words to apologize for his atrocious, inexcusable behavior when she'd helped him out of the goodness of her heart three days earlier.

"Brother?" Her voice was quiet, and her question didn't feel invasive like most inquiries about his family did.

He sighed as he lost his nerve and nodded, absently pushing up the right side of his glasses with the back of his index finger, refusing to let himself look at her. _Where's your Gryffindor courage? Just apologize! Just open your mouth and say two dumb little words!_

Her sudden gasp interrupted his inner bout of self-mocking and made him peek to his right unwittingly. Her pretty, round cheeks were reddening. She buried her face in her hands before opening her fingers and making eye contact with him. "Please don't tell me that's Charlie." Embarrassment leaked from her words.

Percy played with his black-and-white checked scarf, dropping eye contact and feeling his awkwardness with a keenness he'd thought he'd left behind at Hogwarts. "Err-"

She groaned and turned her head away from him, unnecessarily trying to hide from him, while he was trying to avoid looking at her. He failed spectacularly when her swirling black curls entranced him. They settled back into place just below her waist. The glossy locks looked like silk where they reflected the white fluorescent lights on the ceiling and like velvet where they didn't. Her back moving as she sucked in a deep breath registered somewhere in his mind, but not with the part that was so intent on figuring out which part of the black on her collar was fabric and which was hair. She turned back to him.

"I'm sorry. I don't handle embar-" She blinked in surprise when the man jerked back so quickly that he knocked the stand advertising pretzel bats and pumpkins for Halloween beside him over.

He stared at the stand and bags of pretzels on the floor in silence. His breathtakingly blue eyes found hers. "Well, this is embarrassing." His thin, pale, freckled cheeks flared a deep red as he ran a hand against the back of his head and shoved the other deep into his pocket.

She bit her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself. The poor man looked mortified to have made a mess, even accidentally. But the contrast of his put-together, sophisticated outfit- _When was the last time she had seen a man that was able to pull off slacks and a nice jacket even at the greengrocer's? When was the last time she'd seen a man that wore scarves?- _and his blushing face- _None of the boys in the building could pull off such a convincing innocent face- _ defeated her control. A helpless giggle slipped passed her lips, and after that, she couldn't even hope to stop.

A few breathless peals of laughter later, she heard a rough chuckle. She cracked her eyes opened just enough to see a disbelieving smile on his face, like he wasn't used to laughing off his mistakes. She put her hand over her mouth to catch her indelicate snort. "I-I-I-" She couldn't breathe for laughing so hard.

The man stared down at her for a few moments before he chuckled again. Soon, neither of them could stand properly and he grabbed the shelf behind him while she simply stumbled two steps forward and braced herself on him.

* * *

Charlie didn't ever _mean_ to wreak havoc or cause minor destruction when he was in public. It just sort of- happened. So he was more than a little surprised that uptight, clean freak, Perfect Prefect Percy, who needed order more than he needed breath, hadn't stepped in and forced him into cleaning up yet. Because he had _definitely_ made a mess. The aisle floor was covered in boxes that had been knocked off the shelves when he'd inexpertly steered the trolley without looking where he was going. The floor itself was scuffed where he'd dragged his rubber-soled shoes against it to stop his out-of-control trolley ride.

_Percy!_ Where was Percy? Percy would know how to fix those black streaks. _And_ he wouldn't mind helping him clean up the Muggle way, either!

He spun around quickly to get his brother, but stopped short when he saw his brother and a _gorgeous _woman with luscious black curls and subtle curves in all the right places, even under her turtleneck and thick jacket, laughing together at the head of the aisle. She was leaning on Percy comfortably, like he wasn't all gawky limbs and sharp angles. Charlie could practically hear their gasps from here.

Before Charlie could call out to them, they straightened out and Percy ducked his head. _There's the shy little brother he knew and loved._ Percy pulled a fallen display case back upright. Charlie frowned. Had Percy knocked something over? Charlie wasn't surprised, Percy had clumsiness down to a science, but he hadn't heard anything. The woman leaned over and scooped up an armful of whatever had been on the display case and started replacing them. Percy blushed and tried to take the bags out of her hands. She swatted at his arm- _Was she smiling at Percy?-_ and continued picking up.

As he watched them, Charlie thought hard. Percy hadn't laughed like that since- ever. Charlie frowned as he came up blank. Percy didn't laugh until he couldn't breathe. Percy chuckled or snickered or rolled his eyes or smirked. A smile grew slowly on Charlie's face. Percy was doing more than just picking up a woman. He was making a friend.

* * *

Percy sat straight up in his bed, shoving the back of his hand in his mouth, biting down to stifle the whimpers. Dreams didn't always haunt him, not when he had an especially good day. And he had had a very good day. A _wonderful _day. Audrey guessed his name again- _"Well, then, are you-" He couldn't fathom what would make her blush in the context. "-Bill?"-_ and missed even more spectacularly than the first time. Charlie had cleaned up his mess of his own violation and put back most of the things in the trolley, saving Percy some stress over the state of his purse later. Charlie hadn't even pushed to meet Audrey, not even when she came out of her flat and winked at Percy when they were coming back, which made him blush all the way up the stairs. Charlie, uncharacteristically, didn't make fun of Percy, and pretended like he didn't notice that Percy wasn't paying him much attention when they were putting up his groceries.

Percy sighed and stood, shuffling into his bedroom slippers and shrugging his robe on. He supposed that having _too_ good a day would bring a different sort of night terror on. Normally he just saw all those dead people on the floor of the Great Hall. He saw their heads turn to him and heard them- _Why did they all sound like Fred?-_ ask him why he didn't protect them. Didn't he love his little brother? Why did you let him _die, _Percy?

But today he saw his mother and father laid out, blood pooling around their cooling bodies and Percy saw his dead brother standing by their heads, the last laugh Fred Weasley ever gave- _Why did Percy choose _then_ to start cracking jokes?-_ echoing in Percy's ears as he made himself a cup of tea and watched his clock's second hand tick for three hours until dawn.


	4. Percy's Pumpkin

Audrey just _knew_ her grin was idiotic and showed about twelve too many teeth, but she couldn't quite manage to calm down. She banged the elevator button with her elbow as she balanced three heaping plates of steaming breakfast pastries in her hands. The _ding_ of the elevator made her smile just a little wider and she skipped out of the elevator and to her mysterious upstairs-neighbor's door. She blinked at the door in front of her, her grin momentarily sinking off her face as she scrunched her nose up in thought. After a few seconds, she shrugged and shuffled sideways to awkwardly knock her elbow against the wood a few times.

She heard a bit off curse from inside the flat and the door swung open, revealing a form in a state of dress she wasn't expecting. The red haired man was in a robe and slippers, his long, pale shins bare except for the sparse curly hair. His hair was neat in that finger-combed way, but the bags under his eyes, almost magnified by his rectangular glasses, and his sleep starved eyes worried Audrey.

He glared at her. "Well?" The short word seemed to demand an answer, but she had no clue what he was asking.

She straightened her back and forced her smile back on, proffering the plates in her hands. "I thought you might like breakfast."

He frowned at the plates, then at her. He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it, and closed his eyes wearily. He stepped to the side and ushered her in with his free hand.

Audrey took in his flat, noting that the set up was practically identical to hers and seeing what he'd done differently. The kitchen was to her immediately to her left, with a wall that dropped away five feet in the door to her right. When she rounded the wall, she was brought up short by the things covering every table.

The man yawned and stretched, pulling the robe tight against his belly. _Goodness, she hadn't realized just how tall he was._ _Or how thin!_ "Sorry I don't have a table for you. I-" He hesitated, looking uncomfortably at the pastries for a moment before sighing and starting again. "I have trouble sleeping sometimes. I get… restless when I'm not doing anything. And I feel useless."

Audrey nodded and pushed one of the plates into his hands, setting the other two down on the arm of the chair in front of all the tables- _Why was it that she'd had trouble mustering up a smile for the men who gave her gifts, but the mere sight of a chair she'd struggled to push up a single flight of stairs could restore her goofy grin?-_ she'd helped him move four days ago. "When I feel restless, I bake." She gestured helplessly to the overabundance of food sitting in front of her. "At least once you're finished building your castle of cards, you don't need to pawn it off on your poor, defenseless neighbors." She laughed without him, not noticing his scrunched nose or uncomfortable expression.

Castle really was not a huge enough word to describe what her as-of-yet unnamed neighbor had built. He had all of the tables in his flat pushed together and cards were placed neatly in triangles to make turrets and windows, and she was pretty sure he had managed to make several different animals. Where one table dropped off and another table began, he had made little bridges out of cards to make sure the house would be stable. She crept closer, covering her mouth and nose with her hand so her breath didn't knock it over, and giggled breathlessly when she saw the miniature track winding around on the other side of the cards. "Is that a train?" She whispered, not questioning why she thought the moment called for hushed voices.

He made a noncommittal noise and took her food, a plate at a time, into the kitchen while she marveled at his ingenuity.

"How long have you been working on this?" She looked up in time to see a moment of grief-stricken pain before he schooled his face.

He shrugged and paced to the table farthest from hers. He started gathering and straightening cards from a messy pile- _Had her knock made him jump? Had he been making another extension when she'd scared him?-_ and started shuffling them. "A few hours. Since half past three." Audrey kept her eyes trained on his slim fingers that handled the cards with practiced ease.

She nodded and kept her mouth shut, not wanting to put that flash of hurt on his face again. When they were shuffled to his satisfaction, the man tapped the cards against the table a few times to straighten them back up and laid them down. She was shaken out of her momentary daze by his hands disappearing into his robe pockets. She straightened and took a step back before dropping the hand in front of her face and peeking at her neighbor. "I have a sneaking suspicion that you have more breakfast than you need. Could I join you?"

The man looked up, surprised, before he saw her grin. He stifled a chuckle and walked toward the kitchen, tilting his head to signal her to follow him. "You must be clairvoyant. I have just enough for two."

* * *

Percy hadn't expected a breakfast delivery. As Audrey tugged the plastic off of one of her plates and handed him a Danish, he decided that there was no better way to comfort himself after a night terror. Audrey smiled and dug in, leaning perfunctorily over a napkin and ignoring the crumbs she was getting all over herself. Percy opened the cabinet closest to the fridge and pulled out a plate, sliding the silverware drawer out to get himself a fork. He set his treat on the plate before sliding out the bar stool beside Audrey and sitting. She glanced at his face but quickly stared at the fork. She giggled, waving her- _Danish-occupied-_ hand at him, spilling little bits of food across the counter. "Danishes are finger food, silly!"

Percy blinked at his fork then looked up owlishly at her. "I don't eat finger foods." Percy wrinkled his nose at the Danish in her hand. "Well, I don't eat with my fingers-" He dropped his head and tried to stop himself from adding another correction. "Of course I eat toast with my fingers." He bit his lip, but just couldn't control his need for accuracy. "And sandwiches. I-"

She bumped his elbow with hers, making him look up. _When did her smile get so big? Why did it make him want to smile back?_ "You don't get all messy when you eat with a fork." She winked at him before setting her half eaten breakfast on her napkin and pulling a bite off, carefully bringing it to her lips.

Percy sliced a bit of sweet off with his fork before looking at Audrey tearing off a bit more and fed it to herself. Hesitantly, Percy balanced his fork on the edge of his plate and took the sliver off of it. He glanced at Audrey quickly, _knowing_ he started blushing when she grinned- _He could tell she was trying to be encouraging, and, for once, he didn't feel demeaned. He only felt…- _and tapped her next bite against the pastry in his fingers before tossing it in her mouth.

Percy couldn't figure out how he felt until they'd both polished offtheir fill. _Percy was embarrassed to realize that, without a fork to slow him down, he ate just as vigorously as his brothers._ When Audrey, and her ever-present grin, sprang a momentary sideways-hug on him, he felt_ accepted._

* * *

Somewhere in her head, Audrey knew she should get out of her neighbor's flat and let him get on with his day, but she hadn't had this much-_ When was the last time she'd felt this relaxed around another person?-_ stress-free time since she'd gotten out of school.

"Erhm-" Audrey angled her head in his direction, keeping her eyes on the plastic she was re-wrapping around individual pastries so- _Could she just call him Weasley?-_ could pick one up as he was leaving. "Well-" He cleared his throat. "What are- umm-" She looked up just in time to see him- _Was she really already able to read some of his ticks?-_ rub the back of his head in embarrassment. "What are you doing-" He drummed the fingers of his free hand against the bar's marble top. "You know…" He blushed. "What are you doing today?" He mumbled.

She frowned thoughtfully. _Why would he ask that?_ "I'm going to go get some pumpkins, what with Halloween right around the corner. I love getting in the spirit of things." When he stumbled over a few more half-coherent sentences, her eyes widened. _Oh! Could he want-_ "I'd love some company. I just hate going anywhere alone. Would you like to come?"

His lopsided smile made her giggle as she placed the last mini-cake in the pile beside his stove. She brushed her hands together lightly and walked toward the front door. She turned back and smiled with her hand on the door knob. "I'll meet you in my flat? In twenty minutes?"

* * *

Riding in a motor was not something Percy had thought would be a necessary evil in his life. He had chosen his flat with specifications in mind, one of them being many job opportunities and shops in walking distance. There was no need for cars in a world where small scale _transportation_ was a reality.

After Audrey, who drove with one wrist resting casually on the gear shift and the other lightly holding the wheel, sank deeper into her seat laughing at his terrified jumps and half-shouts, Percy just dipped his head back against the head rest- _He'd actually had a problem climbing into the car; until Audrey had explained the seat controls and how to slide it back, Percy's knees had been up to his ears with his legs pressed between his chest and what Audrey had called the 'dashboard'.- _ and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the odd urge burst into laughter.

The engine's rumbling cut off and Percy cracked an eye open. Audrey bounced a little in her seat as she watched his reaction, her curls twisting together with the motion.

A white clapboard house dominated the lawn. The dry brown grass was _covered_ in pumpkins. There were ones the size of his fist at the right hand side and ones bigger than the tires on Audrey's car on the left- _There had to be several hundred on this lot!-_ with every size, shape, and shade of orange in between. Percy pushed his door open and got out slowly, staring at the gourds in awe. Audrey met him in front of the car, smiling a little up at him. When he only turned to her with a blank stare, she leaned forward and prompted, "Well?"

He felt himself go a bit limp and responded faintly, "I thought we were going to the grocer's."

She giggled as an older woman with a greying brown braid and a cozy-looking brown sweater came to stand on the porch. "Do you want a pumpkin?"

Audrey bobbed as she sprang up onto the balls of her feet. "Oh, I want _lots _of pumpkins." She turned to Percy, looking a little like a child asking a parent for candy.

He waved her forward. "Lots of pumpkins it is."

* * *

The old woman eyed the red haired man curiously as he jumped up to sit on the rail-less porch floor. She leaned comfortably on the support beside the stairs and asked, "Shopping for pumpkins?"

He blinked up at her and nodded once neatly, peering quizzically at her for a moment over his rectangle glasses before looking back at her crop.

The young woman picked up a tiny pumpkin and held it up in the palm of her hand. "Isn't it cute?" She had a voice that reminded the woman of a specific cartoon mouse. The man jerked his head toward her, pointing at himself in quiet shock. The woman giggled and nodded, her curls swirling in the wind. She came and sat the pumpkin beside him, brushing a finger over the smooth top. "That one's yours."

The man picked it up by the stem and turned it to see it from every angle. "Why?"

She grinned. "It reminds me of you." The girl skipped off to look at the mid-sized pumpkins.

The woman smiled and watched the man's ears go more than a bit red. It was nice to see a young, fresh couple showing an innocent display of affection. "How long have you been dating?"

His head swung to her. His brow pinched together and his lips scrunched to one side. _Goodness, the girl was right. He is cute._ "She doesn't know my first name."

That brought the woman up short. What in the world could that _mean?_ While the woman speculated, the man watched black curls spin through the pumpkin display. She waited for him to elaborate, but he seemed comfortable in the silence.

"Why are you here?" The man tilted his head up in her direction but kept his eyes toward the girl.

"To get pumpkins."

The woman was exasperatedly amused as she shook her head slowly at his straightforward answers that gave her the exact answers she asked for and none of the answers she wanted. "Why did you come with her?"

The man's attention snapped to the woman, his relaxed expression gone. He looked expressly uncomfortable as his eyes sank closed and he slouched. "I don't like being lonely."

The look of quiet alone-ness on his face made her frown in sympathy. But no amount of sympathy could quell her curiousness. "You just hopped in her car because you were lonely?" _And she just took a stranger to get pumpkins?_

His eyes sprang open, and the shockingly clear blue struck her. "She's my neighbor."

The woman nodded- _At least we're getting _some_where- _and they both went back to watching the girl among the pumpkins. After a few moments, the woman spoke again. "Did she want you to come?"

The man's lips twisted into a rueful halfway smile. "She said she would 'love some company.'" He pitched his voice a little higher in an endearing, and fairly accurate, copycat of the girl's voice.

The woman pursed her lips and nodded thoughtfully. "She doesn't know your first name?"

She could practically feel the heat off of his cheeks. "It's a bit of a game now, I think."

"You think?" she teased lightly.

He opened his mouth but looked puzzled and closed it again slowly.

A few minutes later, he answered. "She thought I was one of my brothers. She met him- Well, they didn't _meet_ exactly- I didn't introduce them, but she picked up that it was the brother she had guessed I was and now she's guessed a different brother and she's still wrong, but she was smiling a little- I _think_- when she guessed, and, well, it makes me laugh, and I don't laugh and-" He took a breath and let it out slowly. "She made me breakfast. She wouldn't make me breakfast if she didn't think it was a game." She could clearly hear the real question. _She likes me, doesn't she?_ She was positive the man didn't even know what he was really asking. He peeked up at her with an expression that begged for assurance. "Would she?"

The woman stifled laughter and shook her head. "No, she surely wouldn't."

* * *

Loading the pumpkins Audrey had chosen into the trunk of the car had been an embarrassing showcase of his physical strength- _Or complete and total lack thereof._ He kept his eyes closed the entire ride back to their flat building, his knuckles white against the door handle where Audrey couldn't see- _he hoped. _Once she had pulled up in front of their building and they'd both hopped out, Percy frowned at the pumpkins in the trunk. Audrey simply disappeared into the flat building for a moment.

When she came back out with a cherry red plastic kiddie wagon, Percy had to appreciate her ingenuity. He never would've thought of borrowing a child's toy to cart things into the building. Together, they managed to get all nine of the pumpkins into her flat in only four trips just before the sun went down.

Percy sank into his brown chair in front of his roaring fireplace and hummed contentedly. A hesitant knock on his door made him turn his head lazily toward it. He sighed before pushing himself up and pulling open the door, expecting one of his brothers. Audrey's little heart shaped face smiled up at him. She pushed the tiny pumpkin in the palm of her hand at him. _The 'cute' pumpkin_. Even the memory made his ears go red. "You forgot your pumpkin." He smiled and took it from her, his fingers lightly grazing her outstretched hand before she dropped her arm.

She turned toward the staircase before she spun quickly on her heel. "I'll be carving them tomorrow." She peered up at him out from under her thick black eyelashes. "You'll help, won't you?"

He smiled gently at her and nodded. "I wouldn't miss it."

She beamed at him and practically danced into the stairwell.

Percy closed his flat door and set his pumpkin down on his kitchen counter, right beside the stack of plastic-wrapped pastries. He took a little tea candle and a book of matches from his junk drawer in the kitchen. He lit the candle, put the matches away and brought the candle into the living room. He set it on the table where his card building of Hagrid's hut had gotten knocked over. He settled himself in his chair again and whispered, "Snap," with a smile on his face. The miniature Hogwarts made of cards crackled as they shuffled themselves and made twenty individual decks.

* * *

**_~A/N~ Whoa! This is by far my longest chapter yet! How exciting!_**{For me, at least} **_I hope, hope, hope you guys like it! Me, personally, I can't decide what's better, the Beauty-and-the-Beast-esque scene or the 'cute pumpkin' scene._**

**_Oh, just assume they do all their interactions on the weekends or around their workdays. I don't really want to write about that. _**

**_I've got my first two reviews, along with two favorites and six follows! Thank you, thank you, thank you!_**{I seem to have a penchant for threes...}****

**_I hope you guys enjoy this installment of Percy/Audrey cuteness._**{Is there really not a name for this ship?} {No, there is not. I do **_not, not,_**_** not**_ recommend searching for 'ship names' for the Harry Potter fandom.}

_**I seriously considered putting Bill in this chapter, but I don't think I had room. I think this was as close to perfect as I was going to get for this one.**_

_**This is a really long author's note, but do you guys realize how annoying writing from a main character's perspective when they don't know the other main character's name is?**_


	5. Percy's Playful

Percy frowned at his closet. _What does one wear to carve pumpkins? _Percy stared at his clothes, as if they would point him in the right direction. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table, that read _'Early', 'On time', _and_ 'Late'_ instead of telling him the actual time. He rarely saw the hand on the yellow '_On time'_ block, let alone the glaringly red '_Late'_ section. So his obsessive-compulsive heart jolted when the clock glowed an angry crimson at him.

_"You're late! She's waiting! You better get down there!" _

Percy hadn't known the clock would yell at him when he was late. He shouldn't have been surprised; his brothers had given it to him a few years back. He should've expected it to be a bit of a gag gift.

The clock's shrill voice- _Was that Great Aunt Muriel's voice?-_ grated against Percy's patience. He tried to think of ways to turn off as he threw on some clothes and got himself ready for the day, dashing into the connected bath. He almost managed to hurry himself along, but he wouldn't feel his best if he didn't swish with his mouthwash for the full minute the bottle recommended- _He did have an electric timer his dad had reworked sitting beside his bathroom sink. It just happened to play a minute-long song about mouthwash when he was gargling and a two and a half minute song about the importance of dental care that played while he brushed his teeth.-_ He did brush his hair while he swished, and he decided-_ after painstakingly careful deliberation- _that he could forego flossing because he hadn't eaten since he'd flossed last night. "Only today, though," he murmured quietly as he shrugged on his well-fitting black double breasted jacket. He gripped the inside rail on the staircase- _It would be embarrassing to knock on a girl's door to ask for medical assistance- _and managed to get all the way down the stairs without falling and only almost tripped twice.

He let out a breath and straightened his jacket before knocking on his neighbor's door.

* * *

Audrey had just pulled her curls into a ponytail at the crown of her head when there were three sharp knocks on her front door. She tucked all the old newspapers she'd collected from her neighbors- _excluding the one she was hoping was just on the other side of that door-_ so her table wouldn't be completely covered in pumpkin guts under her arm. She opened the door-

-and felt pitifully inadequate. He smiled stiffly, but she was only vaguely aware of it. He was wearing the same jacket from the grocer's where she'd 'met' Charlie. She could see the collar and first button of a white button down. _She'd bet money on it being freshly pressed with defined creases._ Pleated black slacks and black dress shoes completed the ensemble.

"W-what?" He sounded embarrassed. If she wasn't so focused on his outfit- _Why would anyone carve pumpkins in that?-_ she was sure the tips of his ears would be red.

She shook her head and stepped out of her flat, making his eyes go wide and forcing him to stumble back a few steps. Audrey grabbed his hand and hauled him back up to his flat.

He objected the entire way up the stairs, but she wasn't brooking any argument. She wasn't going to be the reason he ruined his nice clothes. Once they stood in front of his flat, he passed his key over without a word, frowning slightly in confusion. She nudged him into his flat and pushed him- _quite literally. His heels dragged against laminate floor-_ toward his bedroom. "You can't wear nice clothes to carve pumpkins! It's messy."

His frown deepened. "It doesn't have to be messy."

Her eyes narrowed in good-natured wickedness. "It is the way I do it."

* * *

Bill Weasley didn't often take advantage of Percy's careful schedule. But Bill _knew _that Percy was free today- _It was Sunday. Percy always re-organized his room on Sundays-_ and Bill really wanted some free time with Fleur. Percy- _strangely enough, socially-awkward Percy was the best Weasley sibling with children, including Ginny- _loved watching kids.

Bill checked the number on the door before hoisting Victoire a little higher on his hip and pushing through the door.

"Hey, little brother!" Bill's eyes widened as he let Victoire squirm away from him.

A petite young woman, who was arguably as pretty as his half-veela wife, was standing in Percy's bedroom doorway, wearing an overlarge t-shirt and black, form-fitting yoga pants. Her wildly curly hair- _Bill was vaguely reminded of Hermione, if she had black hair and was six inches shorter-_ was pulled up messily and her feet were bare.

She shrunk back- _practically falling into Percy as he appeared behind her, looking to the side into his room- _and asked shakily in an almost-squeaky voice, "Bill?"

Percy sighed and shook his head. "We already established this, Audra. I'm not- _Bill!"_ Percy didn't even blink when the girl rested against his chest and stared at Bill. "What are you doing here?"

Bill recovered and smirked. "What are _you _doing?" He raised his brow suggestively. Percy was wearing what Bill considered Percy's pajamas, and the woman- _Audra?-_ certainly wasn't wearing clothes just to visit her neighbor.

Audra piped up. "We're carving pumpkins."

That had to be the strangest euphemism for sex Bill had ever heard. "Carving-" He squinted skeptically at Percy, who could keep a secret to save his life. He looked calmly back at his brother.

"Why are you here, Bill?"

Victoire wrapped her arms around Percy's leg. "Unkie!"

Percy coughed out a laugh, closed his eyes, and nodded. "I'll watch Vickie, Bill. Go-" Percy peeked- _When was the last time Percy did anything mischievously?-_ at Audra. "Go carve some pumpkins with Fleur."

Bill smirked again. "So you two were-" He wiggled his brows again.

Audra gasped. "No! We have pumpkins in my flat! We're getting ready Halloween."

Percy brushed the backs of his fingers against her arm absently. "I'm helping _you_ get ready Halloween."

Audra turned halfway to see him, notably keeping her arm within stroking distance of his fingers. Bill was the only one to notice. "What difference does it make?"

Percy wrinkled his nose and his eyes scanned the ceiling as he thought. "Well…" He frowned for a moment. "It doesn't, much. But I was putting a finer point on it."

It was Audra's turn to frown. "Well, you're going to be with me to hand out candy, aren't you?" She smiled winningly. "It's not as fun doing it by yourself. I had to do it for the first three years here. Are you going to make me do it again?" She smiled slightly and batted her long black lashes at Percy. Both of them seemed to have forgotten there was anyone else in the room.

Bill barely stifled a laugh. How had Percy managed to end up with a woman like Audra? She was _nothing_ like Percy.

Percy spluttered for a moment before taking a breath and collecting himself, his ears going alarmingly red. "You don't even know my name!"

Audra's lower lip pooched out in a pout and blinked up at him with her stunningly clear grey eyes. "Only because you won't tell me." Her tone was undeniably flirtatious.

Percy rolled his eyes and nudged her forward. He picked up Victoire with the unself-conscious grace he only had with kids, settling her easily on his hip. "I've got her, Bill."

Vickie-_ Who knew it'd be Percy that would get the honor of being the only one allowed to call her 'Vickie'?-_ hugged her favorite uncle around the neck. "Brand, Unkie!"

Bill laughed as he kissed his daughter on the cheek and hugged his brother. Percy chuckled at Audra's confused face. "We're working on talking at the moment. She wants a braid."

* * *

Percy and Audrey went back down to Audrey's flat. Audrey found some coloring books and blocks for Vickie- _When Audrey called her Vickie, she had frowned at Audrey for a moment before looking at Percy, who had one hand on Audrey's shoulder. Vickie's little mouth screwed up and her nose scrunched up like she was doing something she didn't want to as she patted Audrey's outstretched palm with her chubby little hand and said, "Audy."-_ and Percy helped Vickie with her abstract buildings while Audrey braided her long, silky platinum blond hair. Vickie wasn't happy when both of them left her in the living room by herself and found them in the kitchen drawing on a big lumpy orange thing. She found Unkie and tugged on his leg. "Up!" She made grabby at him until he smiled down at her and swung her up on the counter.

She didn't understand what Unkie talked about with Audy, but they let her draw on the seven other big lumpy orange things- _pupkims-_ with a big girl marker and Unkie brought her some of the squishy insides to squeeze from when Audy cut into the pupkims before she washed off the orange yuck and put the pupkim seeds in the oven. When Vickie was hungry, Audy put up all ten of her fingers, so Unkie played patty cake for a _long, long _time until Audy was ready. Lunch was another new word-_ grilled cheese sandwich-_ and Unkie even held her the entire time she took her nap.

Audy was good at making Unkie laugh. Unkie didn't laugh very much, so Vickie felt better about letting Audy call her Unkie's name for her. Audy was almost as good at playing as Unkie was, though Unkie made funnier faces and knocked his blocks over on accident, which made him say funny things. Her favorite was "Merg!"

When the sun went to bed- _Unkie always carried Vickie to watch it and helped her say night-night to her daytime friend and hello to her nighttime friend when she was with him-_ and the moon came out to play, Unkie rocked her gently in the kitchen while Audy put fire-candies in the pupkims and they watched the light come out of the holes until Vickie fell asleep.

* * *

_**~A/N~ Hi! I know this chapter is **__**really**__** short, but I gave you a cute little girl! I was actually focused on pushing this one out today. I'm going to be out of the country for fifteen days with no internet connection or computer access. Sorry! I know this chapter was pretty disjointed. Sorry.**_ {Again} **_ Oh... I'm not British. You guys could probably tell pretty fast, but I'm trying to get the slang right at least a little bit. I'm going to be measuring things in inches and feet. I don't think in meters. Sorry._** {I always manage to say at least one thing three times in most of my Author's notes...}


	6. Percy's Party

Audrey smiled goofily at the sloppily done pumpkins all over her flat. With Halloween just around the corner, she'd have to pull out her costume and practically buy out the candy section at the grocer's again. _Wasn't she ever going to _grow up_?_ She winced away from her father's fed up voice in her head and checked her costume makeup stores, reminding herself to get more white foundation before Saturday.

She pulled on her faux fifties waitress uniform- _Unknown to Audrey, a few of her more shallow coworkers had tried desperately to stain her uniform some horrid color, to no effect. Audrey was the only one that _really_ looked attractive in the standard mustard yellow their boss made them wear.-_ and swung her hair into a sloppy bun at the crown of her head, her hips bouncing slightly to the tune _It Takes Two_ that was stuck in her head. After she slipped on her tights, she pulled on knee high socks that had thick, horizontal deep purple and puke green stripes and little green faced cartoon witches flying at the front of her shins right below her knees and slipped on her black Mary Janes with white scalloped leather around the open block between the strap and the toes. The thin heels gave her nearly four more inches of height and let her bob on the balls of her feet easily.

The slight clacking of her heels quickly got incorporated into the song she was humming as she did her makeup. _Her costume makeup was closed back up in her wardrobe. She used that to dress up the kids when they wanted to play. She only did herself up with it on Halloween._ Her lips got slicked with an almost red gloss; while she put on light blue eyeliner that almost matched the grey of her eyes and brushed mascara on to lengthen her already black lashes.

Audrey grabbed her bag and rushed out her door. She spun on the ball of her foot and caught her door before it locked, shrugging on her thick black coat and slinging her bag around her torso, jerking her door closed as she shoved her keys in her overlarge purse.

After a moment of just leaning on the door to her flat, Audrey pushed herself off to hurry to work.

And, in the way that was starting to feel like habit, "Darn!" ran smack into her upstairs neighbor, her chest pressed flat against his as his hands came up to grip the sides of her waist. For a bated moment, their gazes clashed and… _something _sparked in the pit of her stomach. "Sorry, sorry, that was all my fault!" Audrey stumbled back a half step to regain her balance and tried not to laugh as he teetered for a moment before falling spectacularly, his satchel flopping into his lap. In a surprising show of hand-eye coordination, he caught his glasses with one hand as they fell off his face.

Pushing that _something_ from her mind, she offered her neighbor a grin. "Good morning," she sang cheerily as he slipped his glasses back on. Her hand splayed out gracefully in the air as she offered him help. He peered up at her through his glasses lenses. That gorgeous blue distracted her- _again-_ and she wasn't sure how long they were there before he noticed her hand and took her up on it.

As Audrey helped him up- _The mere fact that she had to nearly squat to help him up without falling herself was loads more amusing than Percy expected.-_ he caught sight of his wristwatch. "Oh-" He barely bit off a Wizarding curse. "I'm going to be late."

Audrey leaned toward him and he offered his wrist. "Oh, double darn, me too!"

And that was how they discovered that his workplace was only a few buildings down the way from Audrey's and that they tended to work the same shifts.

Together, they dashed around the corner and down a few blocks to their respective work places, Percy pausing when Audrey said, "This is me."

He halted altogether when Audrey reached out for the door handle. He wrapped his long fingers loosely around her upper arm before he thought about it. "Um… Hey, want to, you know… wait for me?" At her confused look, Percy's tension fled. _This is just Audrey. _Percy decided not to question how quickly he'd gotten comfortable around her. "I'll pick you up here, okay?" Even her hair- _Small pieces were already falling from her bun-_ seemed more cheerful when she beamed at him.

And Percy, true to his word, waited in a corner booth for Audrey to finish and grab their dinner at the end of the day. When the skies opened up as Audrey was walking over after finishing her shift, Percy was thankful he'd had the foresight to live an authentically Muggle lifestyle and had his collapsible umbrella with him.

Audrey wasted no time in tucking her arm in his and leaning her temple on the side of his shoulder once they stood under the awning and he'd opened his umbrella. The take-away bag got tucked safely between their bodies, away from the rain.

Surprisingly, Percy seemed to walk better in tandem with another person and didn't even have to catch his balance the entire walk home.

Dinner was quiet, with the flickering candles snuggled in the pumpkins and the eye contact that only served to make Percy turn sharply away and forced Audrey to stifle giggles. When Percy left that night, Audrey offered him a lopsided smile and quietly called, "'Night, Weasley," to him just as the door was closing. Percy rolled his eyes, but smirked all the way up the stairs.

* * *

On Friday, Audrey was sitting on one of the tall stools at the bar in the ice cream parlor where Percy worked when he walked out of the kitchen, her legs swinging lazily below the tabletop. She sipped a milkshake absently, oblivious to the interested glances Percy's coworker was sending her way. When she saw Percy, she lit up with a smile. "This is your lunch break, right?"

Percy took a damp cloth to the bar, scrubbing at the rings from melted ice cream as he nodded. "Have you got something planned?"

Audrey's smile went sly. "Well, you need something for tomorrow. And I need candy. Loads of candy."

Percy raised an eyebrow skeptically. "_I_ need something?"

Audrey slumped slightly in her chair and rolled her eyes. "I've gotten the impression that you don't _'do'_ silly things." She bent the first two fingers on her right hand once in air quotes, her left hand lackadaisically using her straw to stir the drink in front of her. Percy would've bet ten Galleons on her not even realizing she was holding her straw. "So I don't really think you own a Halloween costume."

Percy jerked back a bit, letting the rag _'plop'_ onto the counter, staring incredulously at the girl sitting in front of him. He hadn't worn a Halloween costume since his Fourth Year at Hogwarts. He'd been made a Prefect his Fifth Year and had thought at the time that _some_one had to be mature. Percy sighed. He'd been so ready to grow up then. That mentality just made him tired now. He closed his eyes and murmured, "I actually wouldn't mind a costume this year."

* * *

He minded a costume this year. So, so much. He hadn't known what shopping with a woman your own age was like, but it wasn't like shopping with your mother.

When Percy escorted Molly Weasley to the store, all she ever asked him for was his opinion. Audrey threw arm loads of costumes at him to try on. And she never ran out.

Percy tripped and fell when Audrey squealed. "Oh, I found the _perfect_ thing!"

While Audrey ran to the shelf and pulled a hangar off, Percy sighed and dropped the back of his head against the floor.

Audrey's words just washed over Percy, who read the words 'The Pumpkin King' across the plastic sleeve and closed his eyes, letting her drag him to the check-out lane, and then to the grocer's. The man at the grocer's smiled at them, his gaze resting on their hands thoughtfully. Percy frowned. _What was he looking at? _Percy jolted in surprise. _When had she laced their fingers together?_

The man's easy smile dropped into a blank look of vague shock when Audrey slung the basket overflowing with candy onto his conveyor belt.

* * *

Audrey was excited. She'd never been able to convince her brothers to match their costumes together, but Weasley didn't even fight. _Well, you didn't even tell him what yours_ was. Audrey ignored that thought and tore the first plastic bag of candy and poured it into a bowl.

"Don't worry about not looking quite like Jack, I've got bald caps and have a fair hand at makeup."

A mussed head of red curls peeked up over the back of her couch where he had flopped when they'd gotten in. "Jack?"

Audrey giggled. "The Pumpkin King, silly! From _Nightmare Before Christmas?_"

When he only stared blankly at her, she gasped. _"You've never seen it!"_

And Audrey left her candy bowl clanking on the counter as she ran into the living room to set up her VCR player. "We're watching it! You can't convince people if you don't know the character!"

And they did. Audrey curled her high-socked legs under her and snuggled her head against the arm of her sofa with Weasley's arm slung casually over the back of the seat.

After the movie finished, Audrey walked to the door with Weasley. Before she closed the door, he caught it with his forearm. "You're Sally, aren't you?"

Audrey blushed and nodded. He smirked before backing up and letting the door close between them.

* * *

Percy looked at his clock with a sleepy gaze, the green lulling him into a daze. It jumped suddenly to red and had Percy falling out of bed right before a series of loud bangs started at his front door. He hurried to the front door, hoping Aunt Muriel's voice would shut up before a Muggle heard it. His clock fell silent as he turned the doorknob.

Audrey's ensemble made Percy's eyes go wide. Her braid was so strewn with-_ artificial?-_ cobwebs that she looked grey headed, while her black pants were streaked liberally with dust. "Where have you been? We've got to get ready!"

Her voice made his head ache. He squinted confusedly at the clock in his kitchen. "It's not even six in the morning."

Audrey sighed exasperatedly at him. "It's Halloween. We've got to set up decorations and make everything perfect for the kids. There's no point if there's no show!" Audrey fell silent as she looked down. Percy followed her gaze and blushed.

He'd been too hot to sleep the night before and had stripped.

Down to his boxers.

His boxers that praised his 'rocket'.

"Oh, Mer-God, I'm so sorry."

He really needed to stop using the gifts his brothers got him.

He had been rather astounded to find that George had listened to their Dad's rambling enough to understand what a rocket was, though.

Audrey shook her head, her eyes still tracing over the words on his underwear dazedly. "No, I-I shouldn't have- um…" She coughed and ground to a halt. "I- I'll wait for you downstairs. In my flat. Come down when your rocket's clothed- I mean, when you're dressed!" She turned tail and practically ran through the door to the stairs.

Percy closed his door and slammed his forehead against it. "I hate myself sometimes."

* * *

Audrey wasn't as oblivious as she seemed. In school, she'd seen her share of half-naked boys after sporting events. She'd gone to a boarding school that had a lake and decent weather in the spring. The boys would swim, female presence notwithstanding. But she'd never been struck dumb by a boy before. But Weasley was definitely not a boy.

As slender as he seemed clothed, her neighbor had seriously toned muscles. She understood with a keenness she'd lacked before why he resented her so much for calling him Charlie. _He didn't think he was attractive._ And Audrey couldn't have disagreed more.

Audrey's face heated up all over again when her mind turned to what his boxers proclaimed. She was mortified to discover that she was curious about how much truth was behind what they said about his _size._

And, _God, _she'd never known freckles on pale skin could be a turn on. She _hated _her freckles. _His_, on the other hand-

She stared herself down in the mirror on the wall in her front entrance. "He's coming here today. He's staying for a _long_ time, and you need to hold human conversation with him without blurting out something inappropriate. Pull yourself together." She pressed her hands to the mirror, fingers apart and palms flat, focusing on the coolness until there was a knock at her door.

And she was perfectly normal when her door swung open. She couldn't help but notice that he was only wearing nylon gym shorts and a white tank top and sensibly comfortable shoes. _She really couldn't help squirming a bit at the sight the exposed freckles on his shoulders._ Belatedly, when he winced as she asked him to lift something, Audrey realized the man in her flat thought he was physically weak. She acknowledged that he was not a body builder, but he didn't have any trouble with his two year old niece, who was not the smallest, daintiest toddler to ever walk the planet. And the way he'd casually gotten the pumpkins into the trunk of her car- _It'd taken her twenty minutes and a fair bit of cursing the three previous years._

She found herself staring when he finally did pick up what she'd asked him to. The muscles in his shoulders jumped, and her breathing jumped with them.

She spun quickly away from him, fiddling with one of the decorations while he finished what he was doing. Audrey would have been mortified if he'd caught her ogling.

Little did she know, Percy _was_ mortified that he had to display his inferior strength in front of her and would have greatly appreciated the ogling. Once he was far, far away from her and didn't have to worry about blushing in front of a pretty girl.

They finished decorating- _Percy didn't even feel bad when he spelled fog to spill from her ceiling or charmed the plastic spiders to be a bit more realistic.-_ at half two.

Audrey rubbed her hands together with a teeth-baring grin as Percy sprawled on her couch. "A spot of lunch, then makeup," she announced as she darted into the kitchen.

Percy's head jerked off the sofa as his eyes popped open. "Makeup?"

Audrey's giggle trailed out of the kitchen. "The costumes just aren't enough, silly."

* * *

Molly Weasley kept herself busy baking for Halloween, expecting her entire brood when she got the owl.

_Mum,_

_My neighbor is insisting that I invite as many people as I can to __her__ Halloween bash. She wants to have a party. She says she's never known enough people to host a Halloween party. Won't you gather our family? She has the flat directly under mine. Bill will know where it is._

_Cordially,_

_Percy_

Molly's clock chimed as she finished reading the note. The hand labeled _Percy, _which had been stuck on _Crossroads_ since the Battle of Hogwarts a year and a half ago, twisted to _Travelling. _Molly smiled gently. She would have bet her favorite wooden spoon that his feet were firmly planted in one place.

Well, as firmly planted as Percy's feet were ever going to get.

She couldn't wait to meet his neighbor.

* * *

By the time Audrey was finished with Percy, he was struggling to find his own face in the makeup. He'd never realized how unrecognizable he'd be without freckles. She'd even done his hands to make them seem bony. The ridiculous collar on his costume didn't even look silly paired with the accuracy of the rest of the ensemble.

He subtly slid his wand into his sleeve while she was carefully drawing stitches on her body.

Audrey bounced around the flat, playing gently with this or that, while Percy just sat on the arm of her couch, waiting for his family. _Why did he think this was a good idea?_ His eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. _He hadn't told them she was a Muggle!_

And it was too late to change his mind. A knock sounded at her door, and Audrey sashayed over. Percy was right behind her, worrying about what they would be wearing.

As soon as all of them were in sight, Percy clapped his palms over Audrey's eyes, making eye contact with his brothers, lingering on George as the words '_She's a Muggle' _glittered in a blue that matched his eyes in front of them, the tip of his wand glowing in his sleeve.

As the words started fading, Percy released Audrey and pulled her to the side, letting the others in. "I hope this is enough people for you, Avery."

Ron snorted as he passed. _Why did Ron have green hair and red around his lips?_ "You didn't tell her? That's a nasty surprise for someone."

"What nasty surpri-" Audrey's jaw dropped as people kept streaming into her flat.

"Ron and Hermione were first. They've been engaged for about three months and dating for pretty much forever."

Percy raised a brow at the scant leather suit and cat features Hermione was sporting, but kept his own council. She must have lost a bet with Ron.

"You've already met Charlie," He wasn't in the least surprised at the dragon digs Charlie had chosen, or the werewolf costume Bill had on. "And Bill and Vickie." A lopsided smile made its way onto Percy's face when he saw Vickie done up like a fairie. He hoped that Audrey didn't ask about Fleur's veela costume. "Fleur's married to Bill, and pregnant with their second child." Percy nodded absentmindedly when Bill patted him on the shoulder.

"My only sister, Ginny and her sometimes boyfriend, Harry." Ginny had her favorite costume on: Raggedy Ann, while Harry had obviously hastily Transfigured his broom into a cricket bat. Harry sighed at the label he'd been given, but nodded his greeting at Percy anyway. Ginny's eyes lit up in a sisterly devilish gleam when she saw Percy's hand resting on Audrey's shoulder.

"And George and Angelina. I lived with them for a while before I moved here." Percy was mildly surprised Angelina had dressed as a bride, and even more surprised that she'd managed to convince George to dress as a groom.

"Are they getting married soon?"

Percy glanced at them over his shoulder. "I've got no clue."

And then Percy didn't have any more time to think about George and his nuptials.

"Percy!" Molly pulled her third son into her arms. "You've got to tell me all about this young lady!"

Audrey's eyes widened. _Percy_ was the Weasley brother she'd been interested in? _That she was _still_ interested in, _her mind supplied.

"Mum…"

Arthur Weasley offered his hand to Audrey. "Avery, did he say?"

Audrey smiled weakly. "Err, well, it's actually Audrey."

Bill and Charlie, both hanging around to watch Percy's embarrassment, frowned.

"I thought it was Aubrey," Charlie said right as Bill murmured, "I could have sworn he'd called her Audra."

Percy sighed. "She didn't know my name. I was…" He frowned over his words for a moment. "Well, I suppose I was picking fun with her."

Molly blinked. Her Percy having a continuous joke with someone?

Before anyone could say anything, Vickie pushed her way into the middle. She pouted up at Percy in his makeup before turning to Audrey. "Audy!" And Vickie had a silly grin when she was settled on Audrey's hip.

"Hello, darling. How are you, Vickie?"

And Percy managed to avoid both of his parents while still making sure Audrey was never alone with his family.

Harry did come up to Percy and mutter as fast as he could, "I'll be right back. Andromeda wanted to come with Teddy."

Percy nodded thoughtfully. Maybe Andromeda was just what Audrey needed right now. She'd know the most about assimilating.

And the rest of the party was fine. Audrey dragged Percy to the door with her every time someone knocked, and only wondered out loud where the fog was coming from once.

After everyone left- _Percy's family was so charming!-_ Percy fell asleep on Audrey's couch as she was taking off his makeup. The dark circles under his eyes- _She could see them once she'd taken off the makeup-_ made her heart go soft and she took off the most uncomfortable parts of his costume for him before draping a blanket over him and disappearing into her bedroom.

* * *

**_~A/N~ I'm finally back! This is my newest longest chapter ever! Sorry for taking so long, life is busy. Hope you enjoy. Don't forget to review. Don't be shy, tell me what you think._**

**[Edit: 21/8/14: Little things to make the flow better.]**


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